Education on Identifying Domestic Abuse

A Few Definitions

  • Domestic violence/abuse is violence/abuse committed by a partner, ex-partner, immediate family members, other relatives or even family friends. The term 'domestic violence' is used when there is a close relationship between the offender and the victim.

    There are many forms of DV -emotional/psychological, threats & intimidation, verbal, financial, sexual, spiritual and physical.

  • Coercive control can involve any behaviour which scares, hurts, isolates, humiliates, harasses, monitors, takes away someone’s freedom or unreasonably controls their day to day activities.

    Coercive Control can be covert and subtle. It tends to be an accumulation of things and often occurs slowly over time.

  • Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological abuse where an abuser causes their victim to question their memory or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or unable to trust themselves.

  • DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

    DARVO is a tactic abusers use to confuse their victim and make it appear that they are the victims instead.

The Different Forms of Domestic Violence and Abuse

  • Emotional Abuse is the use of tactics and behaviours to intentionally destroy and wear down a victim’s self-esteem and confidence, leading them to believe they are ‘worthless’, ‘stupid’, ‘useless’, ‘a bad person’, ‘crazy’ etc. The abuser may use put downs, constant negative comments, threats or even silence and withdrawal as a means to abuse, control and manipulate the victim.

    Some signs of Emotional abuse are: Isolating you from loved ones, using insulting/derogatory language, gaslighting, shifting the blame (DARVO), outbursts of unpredictable anger.

  • Threats and Intimidation are very common in most Domestic Violence situations and can occur across all other forms of DV. The use of threats and intimidation is to instil fear in the victim so they feel powerless and scared.

  • Verbal abuse may look/sound like screaming, swearing, shouting, put-downs, name-calling, sarcasm or ridicule. The intention is to wear down the victim’s self belief and confidence.

  • Financial abuse can appear to be quite subtle and often a victim isn’t even aware it is occurring.

    It could be having to ask for money or justify what you are spending. It might be that you don’t have access to the ‘family’ bank account or being told that it is ‘their money’ because they work and you ‘stay home’. It could also be that the abuser spends all the money leaving little to none for the family to ‘live’ on. This is common when the abuser may also have gambling, alcohol or substance abuse problems.

  • Sexual abuse is another way for the abuser to assert their control. It may be that they do not accept ‘no’ as an answer.

    A victim may be forced or coersed to do things they are not comfortable with or acts that are designed to humiliate or make them feel pain or uncomfortable.

  • Spiritual or cultural abuse includes tactics where the abuser may put down a victims beliefs or elements of their culture with the intention of the victim moving away from their beliefs or cultural practices.

    An abuser may prevent a victim from attending services or cultural events. Or an abuser may use elements from their beliefs to control and coerce a victim into how they should behave and what they should do.

  • This is the area most people think of when they think of Domestic Violence. It is the use of physical means to ensure power. Pushing a victim, throwing items, punching walls/doors, slapping/hitting, the use of weapons and strangulation.

Power and Control Wheel

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviours used to gain/maintain power and control over a victim. One person in the relationship CHOOSES to intentionally and deliberately maintain power and control by suppressing the other person’s free will. This can be through behaviours of intimidation, coercion and/or threatens or to actually do harm to the other.

Power and Control is at the centre. Each slice of the Wheel represents a particular tactic/behaviour which may be used by the abuser to gain/maintain control. The outside of the Wheel that holds it together is actual and threatened physical and sexual violence that may be present. An abuser may use all of these tactics, or they may only use one. Regardless, it is still Domestic Violence and Abuse and it is still to gain or maintain control.